The Revelation Of My Heart
Dedicated to my late husband and father of my children. A man who was resilient in purpose and steadfast in faith.
I had stated before on this blog that my birth month, September, often brought tragedy in my personal life and also in the world as a whole.
For instance, the terrible hurricane Gilbert which devastated Jamaica on Monday, September 12, 1988, and the vicious terrorist attack in the USA on September 11, 2001.
This year another painful event took place in my personal life.
On September 10, 2016, we buried my husband who died August 21, 2016. He had been ill for quite a while and his final days were filled with pain, discomfort, and loneliness. During his last days, he felt abandon by his family.
Consequently, all the emotional upheaval that he was feeling in his latter days transferred to my seventeen-year-old son who was very closely attached to him spiritually.
My son suddenly became very ill in the first week of July. He became depressed and had severe anxiety attacks to the extent where he had to be hospitalized for three weeks.
The suddenness of the attack turned my household upside down and shook it to the very foundation. The spirits of fear, deception, loneliness, resentment and anger swept into our lives and almost destroyed us.
Even though I was overwhelmed with confusion, God gave me the sense to recognize that I could not fight this battle on my own so I called on my friends, family, pastors and church brethren for their help.
I could not understand how the enemy managed to snoop into our lives and wreaked so much havoc in such a short space of time.
Since 2011, I developed an intimate relationship with God. I obeyed His word and dwelled in His secret place.
I agonized over this for many days, wondering if God had forsaken me. Then I remembered Job. He was righteous and perfect in all his ways, yet he was viciously attacked by Satan (Job 1&2).
However, the attack was only possible because God had lifted the hedge of protection from around Job and allowed to the enemy to storm into his life.
Job had not done anything to deserve his judgment, but he surrendered his persecutions to God and did not sin or charged God with wrong.
But God was to be blamed! Yes, He allowed the enemy to persecute Job. I then realized that a similar situation, but to a much lesser degree, was happening to me.
So what should I do? Who can I turn to in my distress? No one but God!
Therefore, similar to David:
When the pangs of death surrounded me, and the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears. (Psalms 18:4-6)
So I called upon Him in my anguish, and He heard me from His tabernacle and said, “Beverly, you are dust, and there is no perfection in you.”
The same evil spirits that wreck my marriage returned to destroy my children. They came through the opening of un-forgiveness and bitterness.
The Lord is a God of mercy which involves forgiveness, healing, and restoration. God’s mercy extends to us even when there is no repentance on our part.
Even though I thought that I had forgiven my husband, I did not extend to him the depth of mercy that God expected of me.
Hence there was still un-forgiveness in my heart, and where there is a lack of forgiveness, bitterness and resentment still linger. These were enough loopholes the devil needed to sneaked into my life.
God had to turn my household upside down for me to see the state of my heart. A heart that was still hardened by past hurt.
The Lord was not pleased with my attitude and to whom much is given much is expected. Those who know the will of the Father and does not do it will be beaten with many stripes.
When I recognized all my faults and shortcomings, I repented to my children, my husband (before he died), and to my Lord. God once more forgave me because that is His nature!
As a result of this ordeal I learned three valuable lessons:
The responsibilities of those who are left behind.
Over the years we heard that there would be a rapture of the Church before the tribulation. Christ will snatch away His Bride (believers) before He poured our His wrath on earth. Although many theologians are now questioning this theory whether it is factual, I know one thing for sure that there is a ‘rapture’ that occurred every day in this world.
This ‘rapture’ happened when your loved one is taken from this world by death and you are left behind. What do you do when you find yourself in this position? I learned that it is a time for mending broken hearts, repairing past pain and forgiving the hurt so that God can restore you and give you peace.
The sting of death has been canceled (1 Corinthians 15:50-58).
The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. As long as we remain in our sinful lifestyle, we will experience the sting of death.
The sting is the bite mark left behind by the serpent when it deceived humanity in the Garden of Eden. And as long as we remained under the law it will strengthen sin because the old covenant with the blood of animals cannot wash away sin (Hebrews 10).
“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:57).
The blood of Jesus Christ offered one single sacrifice for sin forever. His own blood made perfect forever those He had sanctified. Therefore, when you believe, receive and accept Christ’s sacrifice for you, He will remove your sins – the sting or mark of death.
When you consider this great benefit (new life) that we have obtained through the blood of Jesus Christ, one wonders why anyone would want to return to sin – the sting of death?
You cannot experience your Jubilee without learning to forgive.
This third lesson was the final piece that completed the puzzle. I learned this information on the first night of the revival crusade at the Church of God of Prophecy (Hope Hill). (09-14/102016)
The speaker was Pastor Kevin Richards. His message on the first night of the crusade was about the season of Jubilee.
Pastor Richards emphasized that Jubilee should be a reality and not just an idea, and it involves a process that we must go through. When God has called you into your Jubilee, you have to be prepared to do several things.
You must forgive and release grudge, be a deliverer, be prepared for warfare, believe and practice the word, be ready to be led into the wilderness of trials, be willing to change, be ready to expand and improve yourself to help this millennial generation. (Richards)
But I did not realize that for me to receive my releasing from the Lord, I must also forgive and release others from my heart. I lacked in those vital areas, and it took a hurricane of trials in my life for me to accomplish these tasks.
Now I am confessing my faults to my late husband’s friends and family members (mother, brothers, sisters, children, nieces and nephews). I humbly apologize if I have caused offense to you whether knowingly or unknowingly.
Special thank you to everyone who rallied around my family and me in prayers and support during our hour of need.
P.S. I began to write this post on September 12, 2016, but could not complete it until after the revival service when I received the full lesson that the Lord wanted me to learn from my experience.