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You are not the Boss of Me!

“Well, I am buying that fridge! It is my money, and I can do as I please. I work hard for it, and you can’t tell me what to do,” Susan shouted at her husband and quickly walked away from his stunned presence.

Since she did not want to hear any more of his rebuttal she rushed for the door and slammed it behind her with a loud bang shaking the foundation of their cramped two-bedroom apartment.

soft answer

She could hear him shouting behind her, but his words faded away as she rushed through the front door and into the car park of the apartment complex that they lived.

Susan irritably yanked at the door of her car, but it refused to budge. “Where was that darn key?” She muttered to herself opening her purse and shaking out its contents on the bonnet of the car – a roll of papers, a bank book, a bunch of keys (house keys), an empty lotion bottle, a lip gloss all sort of knick-knacks but still no car keys. She shoved them all into the bag in exacerbation.

Her husband was the last person to use the car yesterday, so he had the keys. She was not going back inside that room for that key! She did not want another argument. She thought for a moment weighing her options. Susan was determined to purchase the fridge because she had to prove to him that she can do as she liked and not what he wanted.

The fridge was a necessity, or was it? She brushed annoyingly at any lingering doubts in her mind. A stainless steel 28 cubic feet French door refrigerator with icemaker and water dispenser was her dream. She had been coveting the appliance in the store for months, and now that it was on sale she must have it.

She was tired of the tiny nine (9) cubic feet fridge that they had been using for years. It was too small, and their family was growing rapidly – a four-year-old girl, a two-year-old boy and now another baby on the way. It was obvious that they need a bigger fridge. Above all, that small fridge was ugly and rusted on the outside, and it was constantly frosting. She had to clean it every week. Her husband did not help.

That last thought was the added strength she needed. So she spun around to march back inside the apartment but as she did she almost trip over her two-year-old son who was standing directly behind her.

“Mommy I want to come” Her son held out his chubby little hands to her.

She brushed aside his hands irritable and shouted. “No, you can’t! Get back inside!”

She heard a clatter and looked down to see the car key on the ground beside her. The baby bent down and picked it up. He held it out to her, and as she reached for it, she saw pools of tears in his eyes. One of them escaped and splashed on his bare chest.

He was clad only in pull ups. She had given him his bath and fed him earlier. Saturday was the busiest day at her house, so she usually got up as early as six in the morning to get her chores out of the way. Today was a special day because this was the day she was getting her new fridge.

Susan could not disappoint those huge innocent eyes begging for her attention, so she scooped him up and strapped him into the car seat in the back seat of the car. She then slid into the driver’s seat and stepped on the gas. Susan let out a sigh of relief. She was going to get her fridge today and to hell with her foolish husband.

Anytime there was a decision to be made he wanted first to wait and pray. The waiting period usually last for weeks, and she was fed up with him. When she wanted something done, she wanted it to happen right away.

tongue of the wise

As far as Sarah was concerned she had waited long enough. Her overtime check will not be spent on baby food and pampers. Every money that she earned was spent on the children. But this time, she will spend her money buying what she wanted.

Susan pulled into the parking lot of the mall. Soon she was inside the furniture store with her baby on her shoulder talking with a sales representative. The sleek stainless steel refridgerator looked so alluring, and Sarah visualized how great it would look in her kitchen.

There was a slight twinge of guilt that tugged at her heart. Tonight during Bible study she knew exactly what the scripture verse her husband would focus on – ‘Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord’ (Ephesians 5:22).

Submission was his favorite verse especially when she defied him. ‘Submit, submit’ Sarah hated that word, and she resented the fact that it was in the Bible. Nobody seemed to recognize that Paul wrote it base on the social practice of the Jews during that time, she thought to herself. Women were second class citizens for heaven sake, and we are now living in modern times.

She smiled in satisfaction as the sales rep gave her the receipt for her purchase and promised that they would deliver the fridge later in the afternoon. She gave her baby a big kiss and spun him around in her arms. He laughed gleefully at his happy and excited mother. She was happy for now but later was a different matter.

She shrugged off any depressing thoughts and walked from the store with a spring in her step. She knew how to get back at her husband later. After his preaching of the submissiveness of wives and his lecture on her disobedience and stubbornness, she was going to give him the silent and no-touch treatment. He cannot touch her that night or for the entire week until he submitted. She pursed her lips together and straightened her shoulders in a determined stance.


The above story is an example of a typical scene that occurred in my marriage. Submission was used as a weapon of control and as a tool to unleash guilt and punishment.

The couple were resolute in their belief and were determined to have their way. However, both actions were displeasing to God. A marriage that consistently uses submission in a vindictive way will not last. A marriage in which one spouse, such as Susan, selfishly wants to have her way without thoughts of the other spouse’s opinion also destroys a marriage.

When I was at the bottom of the pit of brokenness, I went to God for answers, and He willingly supplied them. The Lord took me back to the beginning to Genesis 3:16

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you.

The Lord revealed that after the serpent had deceived Adam and Eve, He changed the relationship between the man and the woman. The woman should not trust her desires but must concede to her husband’s desire and he would rule over her. The question is: Was God speaking about the physical or spiritual relationship?

The Lord created woman from the rib that He took from the side of man. When God brought her to Adam, he recognized her as part of his body so he said,

“this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.”(Genesis 2:23).

Adam was speaking on behalf of his Creator. When God speaks any words, they cannot change or return to him void but must accomplish what He pleased. (Isaiah 55:11). Therefore, the physical relationship of equality between a man and a woman cannot change.

Thus ‘your desire shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you’ was a change in the spiritual relationship between man and woman. In other words after sin, God told the woman that the spirit of her husband will always rule over her spirit in the spiritual realm. Thus, the spiritual hierarchy in the marital home is: God the Father – the Son Jesus Christ – Husband – Wife (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Jesus Christ brings unity between both the spirit of the man and woman because when He lives in their hearts, they will think alike and do the same things because they both have the mind of Christ. The mind of Christ is humility, obedience, and love. (Philippians 2:1-11).

In a marriage with Christ as the center of both spouses’ lives, submission does not mean subjection instead it means compromising to each other’s needs; and it also means humility and obedience to God.

When a husband is submitted to God, the wife will recognize that he is capable of making wise decisions and will respect his opinions. When there is mutual obedience to the Holy Spirit, there will never be any conflict in the home. This concept is truly the recipe for ‘happily ever after.’

What are your thoughts on submission? Share with us.

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